Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
