he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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