I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
