I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize