In America we eat man semen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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