I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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