i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
