I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
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I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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