Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
