i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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