Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
