you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
