Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
