we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
