Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
