I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I deserve this hangover.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize