we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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