Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
