Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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