I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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