i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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