You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
