$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
