Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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