I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
