Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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