you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
