the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
