Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
