its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
