Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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