The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
