he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I will pee on everything he values.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
