i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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