This is not my ceiling
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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