I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
