my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
