in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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