so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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