i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize