riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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