I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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