She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
