if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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