nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
