Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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