she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
