I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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