i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
