Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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