I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
