I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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