I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.