we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.