Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die