Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?