we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.