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Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
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