Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name