Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
