I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
