I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
