why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
