omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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