you traded sex for a burrito?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is it penis luge time yet?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
