she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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