You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
