do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
