M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
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sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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