I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
