I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
