Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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