as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
