If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
