You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
