dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
