You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
