you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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