I'm drive I can fine osifer
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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