Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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