why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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