The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
