You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
