come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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