So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
