Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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