i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
