my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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