i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize