Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
