The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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